Foreign Language Instruction For Your Body

OK, I’ve looked but I just can’t find it.  I don’t know why they’re called kettlebells.   When talking about them most people think I’m saying KettleBall because they look like balls with a handle.  In fact online descriptions say, “basically a cannonball with a handle.”

So, I don’t know why it isn’t called cannonball training since that’s what they look like.  In Russian they are called ‘gyria’ but in old strongman photos they look nothing like a kettle.  In fact the russian spelling for gyria is Google translated as simply, ‘weight’.  One client sent me a link which posited that old timey scotsmen filled kettles with rocks and sand as a variable weight possibly simulating the gyria. That is probably more wordsmithing than you want to know but I get asked about it a lot so there you go.  

Most people agree though that the object itself originates from Russia a few hundred years ago as counterweights used to measure grain and other bulk farm goods using the ‘Pood’ measurement system.  If you didn’t know, 1 pood is equal to 40 funt.  Under the Soviet sys.......I’m sorry, what was that?  What are funt?  Well, naturally, it’s another unit of mass abolished under the Soviet government.  Personally, I think that we should use silly words for all of our measurement systems.  I hereby decree that length shall now be measured in plorg!

Why should you care about kettlebells?  Two reasons.  First, the kettlebell training methods effectively utilize dynamic movement and, secondly, combine them with essential stabilization techniques.  Explosive or dynamic type exercises are an effective way to increase the amount of work done and also can reduce the time needed.  Let’s say that you’re normal routine is 50-60 minutes of a steady pace on a treadmill.  By reducing the total time to 35 minutes and injecting 6 one minute high intensity intervals you can burn the same number of calories, and reap a longer post exercise burn rate afterwards.  

Similarly, a traditionally paced weight lifting routine of deadlifts, squats, a chest exercise, shoulder work, and abdominal training can also eat up close to an hour.  Yet, a simple routine of alternating 15 swings with 1 minute of cardio, 3 sets of the Goblet squat, and 5 minutes of turkish getups can work all of those same muscles in an integrated fashion, improve athletic and CV function in about 1/2 the time. 

Working dynamically in any fashion places stress on the support structures of the body. As such, training is required to teach the body to effectively create the most stable platform possible producing exercise gains safely.  By grounding the legs, activating the abdominals and the musculature surrounding the shoulder you can swing a great heavy weight one time or a smaller one twenty times.  Quality movement at the extremities is dependent upon quality stabilization through the core.  In essence, movements are generated from the inside out.  Kettlebell training begins with this principle in mind.  Those who have worked with me will remember me talking about start and finishing positions, activated glutes and abdominals and what that means exactly.  

That of course is testament to the certification body, in this case Dragon Door.  It’s completely self serving since they sell Kettlebells, books, dvds, and of course training programs, but I was impressed by their commitment to safe performance and not just information regurgitation.  One can’t very well have a successful business selling a training method if said method results in a lot of injuries.  

The philosophy boils down to a few simple rules.

1. Make certain you have enough space.  Safety First!
2. Only perform movements you can do with proper form learned from a certified instructor.
3. Never compete with the kettlebell, if you get off track guide it safely to the floor and start again, or use a lighter bell.  Safety Third!
4. Use the heaviest kettlebell dependent upon rule #2.

Finally, you’ll look awesome doing it.  Just kidding, you’ll feel awesome though.  I did while at Dragon Door’s Hardstyle Kettlebell Certification this summer.  I swung some heavy bells and sweated a lot and grunted and groaned and wished they would say, “Last one” more than once.  However, there is something playful about swinging the weight, pressing it over head and contorting my body through the Turkish Getup.  It was fun.  It’s not for everyone, and that’s ok.  There are plenty of other ways to get your sweat on.

Bloomsday 2012 Post-race

Well, I had what was simultaneously the most enjoyable and most frustrating Bloomsday run ever.  For the first time I was in a foward starting group (yellow for fellow bloomies) and was very excited about the prospect of actually running for the first 2 miles.  What usually happens when I've started further back is I run a little bit, then have to brake because of slower people, then I dodge around 4 people walking side by side, then zig-zag around some kids, and get bumped into by some guy who thinks he's actually going to win only to pass him up 2 minutes later on the hill.

This year the start was sooo nice, I got into a nice rhythm right away and didn't have to duck or dodge much at all.  By the end of mile 3 I was feeling great and on pace for a personal best.  Unfortunately, my calf was disinclined to fully participate and threw a hissy fit shortly thereafter around mile marker 4.  I knew I was ahead of my previous times so I didn't mind taking a potty break and actually drinking a cup of water from the station as opposed to getting a few slurps and dribbling the rest all over yourself while running.  When I tried to get going again, I managed a few yards and it was still too cramped up.

Sadly, for my time, I had to suck it up and take a few minutes to really stretch it back out and dig into it with my thumbs (ouch).  I walked the next 1/2 to 3/4 mile to the bottom of Doomsday hill and was able to finally start running again.  Going up hill was slow but it actually felt good on my calf, keeping it stretched out.  By the top of the hill, it was sore but I was able to run pretty well so long as I kept my strides short and quick.

I was desperate to try and get back to my goal time of 1:15 or better but I had reached the 1 hour mark and the iPod lady said I was at 5.3 miles.  That gave me a little over 2 miles to go.  Now, 7:30 miles are far beyond my capabilities but I managed to push myself to the finish line at a respectable 8:40ish pace for 1:21:06 (iPod lady says I ran 7.9 miles total).

It was definitely not my best day.  I knew I hadn't trained enough for it and promised myself this would be the last time I would participate in something like this without doing so.  Still, it was wayyy better than last year when I couldn't run at all.

I would end by saying, "Eh, I'll do better next year."  However, I'm afraid I'm going to lose my starting group and will get stuck back in with the masses.  That means I'm going to have to find some races to participate in this year in order to prove that I belong there.   So, "Eh, I'll do better all year."